I needed to get a new toothbrush, now’s as good a time as any.
Time to prepare. First, brush. OK. Now, light up.
No, I don’t smoke, but something must be lit. Hell, let’s just get everything together and smoke and drink it up.
OK, that should do it for now.
Ike has interfered with the Cubs playoff push, so we’ll just have to sit back and see what the Brew Crew does this weekend. 5 and a half up, magic number at 11, 16 to go. Normally I would have exchanged my toothbrush for a new one by now, but this Cubs toothbrush has been so effective that I must continue to brush with it for at least another few weeks. Let’s wrap this thing up!
At the halfway point, the Best Team in Baseball (tied with the L.A. Angels) holds a four and a half game lead over St. Louis and is poised to make a Run for the Glory in the second half. It is obvious that the toothbrush has played a major factor in this year’s success. Its bristles have shone the way to victory many times, and in the meanwhile they have shone a path to whiter teeth.
There are many positives to take out of this first half, from young Geovany Soto’s sensational All-Star play to Ryan Dempster’s meteoric rise out of the bullpen and into the starting rotation; from Ryan Theriot’s impressive .320 batting average to Aramis Ramirez’s team-leading 17 home runs and 66 RBI’s; from one shining white incisor to another sparkling bright molar, the results are there for all to see. You’ve got to feel good about our chances in this second half.
To bolster those chances, I will be lighting any candles, lanterns, incense, charcoal, logs, newspapers, draft cards, campfires, cigarettes, cigars, flags, sparklers, firecrackers, bottle rockets, bongs, joints or other flammables that may need heat with my Cubs lighter, as seen below. This should pretty much seal the deal.
You’re probably wondering, how many times can he go to the well with this? How many times will we see this Cubs toothbrush this season?
Well, the answer is: until the World Series victory is at hand. I intend to use this brush as often as possible, in order to achieve the goal that it was set out to accomplish: white teeth and glorious victory. This is not only Serious Business but also Important Stuff!